Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
