One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
