I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I deserve this hangover.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
