exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Randomize
