Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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