There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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