Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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