You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
