If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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