id be glad to
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
