Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
