It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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