she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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