fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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