I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
