frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
