my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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