and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
should my penis look like a turkey
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
