Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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