I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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