I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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