So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
