so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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