wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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