i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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