I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
