planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
