I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
