help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Naked Twister starts at high noon
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
