Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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