That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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