if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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