I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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