Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
