Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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