dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
