Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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