id be glad to
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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