Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
