the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
