I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
