im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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