can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Bring me that man meat
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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