you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
