oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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