Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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