I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize