there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
