do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
