1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
