sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
