I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
