My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
