We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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