i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
