i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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