You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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