I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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