ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
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