There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
