You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
