I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
