im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm always down for nudity.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
