You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
