im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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