He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
