i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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