he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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