You were right. It hurts to walk today.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
