so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
