i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
