is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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